Does anybody feel as heartsick as I do about being far away from their children? Not just on Mother’s Day, but every day I feel this longing. And visits aren’t enough.
Am thinking about the difference between kids and parents, since kids who move away from parents they love are deprived, too. So how can kids leave? (I left.) I think it’s that kids are about separating from parents in order to be their own people, but a mom never separates from her child.
Anybody got anything that’s helped them?
The loves of my life
Jamie and Liza
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Hi Suzanne: What gorgeous women you produced! Weighing in (childless) from our retirement in Kathmandu where we’re surrounded by Buddhist monasteries & teachers, I’d suggest a meditation on impermanence. And gratitude for the gifts we’ve been given to enjoy in this lifetime. Not easy, but Buddhism’s like that.
Ultimately it’s the children who determine how close the physical & emotional connection will remain. And twins have lots of separation work to do. Patience.
. . yes ! heartsick and lonely -for their company – first the separation of my own children and now the nine grandchildren . . . i have so many stories to tell them .. so many angles of their world which no-one else introduces them to . . . and now the last one is almost past the hop/skip stage . .; the authentic stage of her life. . . oh yes i understand this ache because i understand the child. i have a pair of red-headed twin grandchildren now 13 and potentially as pretty as yours . . Bless them all . .
I bought a co-op in a senior community just 5 min down the road from my son and his wife with 3 of my grandkids and my daughter is an hour’s drive south with the other two. I don’t know how people live who see them once a year at holidays. We are close and yet we lead separate lives. Right now I pick up two after school each day. I have seen them on average once or twice a month since birth (oldest l8 youngest 8) and attend many school plays and team games, gymnastic meets as well as dance showcases competitions or recitals. It makes me one of the most fortunate grandmas in the world. Soon I will be calling them daily as I am 75 and have some back problems. They worry if we aren’t in touch as they don’t know if I have fallen or worse. We try not to be anything but adult with each other. I’m hoping we will all go to London for the Olympics in 2012 and at least once to the East Coast where I grew up. Feelings are sometimes hurt but never on purpose.
Most fortunate indeed. This made me cry.
Hi Suzanne,
As soon as I turned seventeen and could join the Air Force, I was gone from home and my home state of Maine. The parental and educational demands and expectations were way too much for me. I wanted to be me and I couldn’t do that in an environment of limitation and control, well meaning though it was.
I suspect our family remains close because we love and respect each other as souls in flesh, not as earthly parent and child, husband and wife. We know we’re all doing the best we can with what we know. Our children still call us mom and dad, and their spouses and children call us nana and papa only because they want to, it makes them feel safe, worthy and good, not because we demand or expect them to.
Then again, we all have dreams to fulfill and they can take us anywhere. Your daughters look like lovely people. I can see why you miss them.
I see you and I love you,
Roger
You know, these lovely creatures have never had a fight with each other and never had either terrible 2s or teen age rebellions, and, unless I am under grand illusions (it happens), I don’t think they needed to separate from me. Life just got them gone — first to separate from each other, since they are twins and until they moved to different cities they rarely said “I.” It was “we” all the way. Now they talk on the phone maybe 10 times a day!
I totally relate. Here I am in North Carolina and 3 of my 5 children are on the west coast! I have a son who is traveling abroad right now, but will be relocating to the west coast also. WHAT AM I DOING HERE??????????????? It is a lovely place but my heart is on the west coast!
I felt very free and happy to be with myself. I miss my 3 children, but I see my task is to separate from them and create my own life which is my painting, learning Spanish and the Argentine Tango. In February I visited my daughter in Mexico and spent 2 weeks with her in a Spanish learning program. I find being with my children a combination of joy and also stress, since I realize that I do not want to give them advice now that they are in their 30’s. This is often hard for me to do. I do very much miss the years when they were growing up.
I know how you feel. In recent months have felt using Skype has been helpful. I talk to my children and grandchildren who are far away. It almost feels like being in the same room with them. Hurray for computers! When I moved far away from my family as a young adult my main connection was through the phone and regular mail, not nearly as satisfying! Also, as a young adult, although I loved my parents I didn’t want to be with them for more than a few days at a time, since I could feel myself being pulled back to childish behavior patterns if I stayed longer.