[I attended Madam X's birthday celebration in May. A few days later, she sent an artful "nice to meet you" letter in snail mail. At right is my response to her in email.]

I would LOVE to play with you, that is, if I can keep up with you. You feel like a great power plant generating lots of current. But I think that I could adapt. I must confess, I'm just beginning to try out my human being. It's working, but inexperienced.

I have been hearing it said that we teach what we need to learn. If that is true, then perhaps the Human Being Society will turn out to be what Madam X has to teach. Because, the truth is that she and I have really been quite distant partners, communicating with each other from separate worlds, and not till recently have we been reunited. Now, she has so much to learn about being human. So we're teaching each other.

Thank you for linking my site to yours from your crop circle page. Thank you for your reflections during our telephone conversation. Thank you for the wise words of Lex Hixon. And thank you for your support.

You spoke of an "order." And I did too. And I was pondering it this afternoon, and it seems so elusive and unwilling to cooperate. It doesn't want to be defined, and mutates at every attempt. But I am used to playing that way with it, and it doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I've found that if I don't even try, it begins to get curious, and comes snooping over to me. And when it does realize that I have no agenda or ulterior motive, then it starts to play with me. That is how my work comes about, and that is why I seem to have no idea of what will come, or how to plan for the future. It makes it hard to work with other people who plan and think about what they will do. But all I can say is that I have seen it developing in a very focused direction for a long time now, and it has proven itself to be very dependable.

The Human Being Society grew in this way. It first appeared as a tiny seed in the late 80's. I've been watching over it all this time, it's slow growing. But now, it has good roots, and is beginning to peek its head above ground. At this point, there's no telling what it will grow into, but I am satisfied to continue taking care of it, just like I have been doing, and adjusting to its changing needs as it grows.

So, I am kind of in the position of a middleman. I'm at the door between worlds. When creation takes form, I'm there to welcome it and take care of it until it grows up. And then I pass it along to others down the line. But it just doesn't give me a lot of advanced notice, or consult me in its creative decision making process.

I hope that helps to explain me. That is why I have such great appreciation when others are patient with me, because I am aware that the everyday world operates in a completely different way. And that is also why I often wonder what will happen when these two worlds merge.

I've had your question of, "What next?" on my mind ever since the birthday party, when I began to think that the next thing I would like to do would be an official Human Being Society meeting. I feel that it MUST BE an EXPERIENCE, and not just another group of words. But as yet, I do not know the way for that EXPERIENCE to be spotlighted, so that it can be noticed and integrated. For me, direct experience has always been a true teacher, and the teaching gained through experience has been applicable, and not just theoretical. So, that seems to point the way for me. Can you see anything ahead? And if so, tell me.

Meanwhile, here is the thing I mentioned I've been writing. It sounds like an invitation to a Human Being Society meeting, or something. What do you think?

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am called Madam X.

I have only recently come to visit you and your world, and my experience has been one of real shock at the extremes in which you live. The pain, the joy, the suffering, the celebration - the intensity and extremes of feeling - I am astounded by your capacity to endure and grow, and even to flourish in it.

In my world, we feel the Harmony. I took it for granted before I came here. But now I see so clearly how precious it really is. And I feel the effects of its absence here, with such great discomfort.

So, I thought that perhaps you might be interested in the Harmony. And then I asked myself, how could I show it to you? This was my answer:

Remember when you first took Human form? Remember how your friends were the flowers and the clouds? And you played with one other, and you were all the same? And how you Loved everyone, and everyone Loved you? And how you knew you were alive. And you knew you were growing. Do you remember when you were face to face with the grass? And do you remember how you felt the Harmony? REMEMBER?

I remember too. But that world has not gone away. It's just been forgotten. It's still there. In fact, it's here right now. And it needs you. And you need it. Remember when your dreams for the future were about LOVE? And not just a personal love, but the love and joy of being alive. The LOVE of growing. The joy of being a part of it.

The truth is that we are interconnected. And what we do to another, we also do to our selves. It's just the reality. So, to celebrate and remind ourselves of this reality, let's call ourselves The Human Being Society. That is big enough for right now. First, we must find Harmony, and later we can go on to bigger things. But even before that, we must find Harmony within our individual selves. The Human Being Society will help. It's so simple. And nothing and nobody is excluded. When you keep this in mind, you will automatically find yourself discovering new ways of being.

You might find that you have to discard some ideas of your own self importance. But don't worry. That will actually allow you to feel much more relaxed. And you might find yourself more able to listen. And then you might be able to learn something new - about yourself, and others, and the reality we share. You may even find some deeper understanding developing. Because, it's the truth, Life itself is our Great Teacher. But even the greatest teacher of all is powerless if his students aren't paying attention. So, the most basic teaching of all is - pay attention.

Pay attention to everything. Life is everywhere and everything. And remember, it's all connected. So, the little flower by the side of the road may have something very important to say to you. Or the voice of a friend may contain your lesson. Or the voice of an enemy. Even the silence of a stone could turn out to be your very own wise counsel. Life really is so noisy. It's talking all the time to you. Just listen and you'll see.

There's lots we can do now. Just take a look. Life is happening all by itself, but someone who is paying attention can be of a lot of service. Maybe you could help it by caring for your own self more sensitively. Or by caring for your family, or friends, or those you don't even like. Or maybe you could make yourself available to deliver its gift. Or maybe you could help someone along the way. The opportunities Life presents to us are really impersonal. And our responses to them need to go beyond the personal too. That's what is meant by freedom. Freedom is being LOVE. It is understanding the limitation of personal control, and taking the next step into unknowingness.

And it feels like an unbelievable relief. Service of the great LOVE is ultimately the most that we can do, for ourselves, others, and for all Being. And when you give yourself to IT, that's when you begin to feel the Harmony.

So, the door to the Human Being Society is open to you. It leads to the Harmony in our immediate world, the world of humanity. That's really where to start. And humanity begins with you and me. So, I'm extending you this personal invitation to join, to create Harmony. And membership is absolutely FREE.

Because I am new to your world, I am feeling this so intensely. But it is so hard for me to imagine that you do not feel it too. Perhaps, you've just gotten so accustomed to the disharmony that you've forgotten what it is like when there is peace? If this is true, I want to remind you. And that is why I'm speaking to you in this way.

If you would like to speak with me, or listen to me some more, I invite you to visit me at Human Being Books.com or write to me. I am Madam X at P.O. Box 31485, Los Angeles, CA. 90031.

Yes, I feel right in tune with your suggestion. It is the next step, and I feel comfortable with your way of proceeding. Gently. Carefully. Thoughtfully. But, most importantly, because it is emerging naturally. You're noticing, aren't you? Because that emergence is exactly what all the talk, and discussion, and meditation, and devotion, and wisdom is referring to. That phenomena silences all questions.

I LOVE the tape you sent [Suzanne and Lex Hixon, "Cooking Up a New Reality," 5/14/93]. To me, it was like having an intimate communication with you. And I learned so much about you and your dreams. And I am so happy to find myself in the presence of so much energy that is being directed in a direction that I also can embrace.

So, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Let's talk more soon. At this point, a little bit at a time is best for me.

I was enjoying a few moments with the Mighty Companions, and saw my GAZET there. GEE, I didn't realize you had done this so visibly. I LOVE the "anomaly". And I LOVE being near the mystery of the crop circles. Thank you so much.

Mighty Companions is a wonderful site. And Suzanne, the things you wrote there are so clear, focused, and inspiring. I am a "doer" too. And sometimes feel frustrated with talk, even though I'm talking a lot these days, and using a lot of words too. But you're using your words as a part of your action, and this, to me, is the best.

Yes, let's begin to make plans. I just feel my way along, and I guess that's why it takes me a little longer. But I find that it is a very solid way, and less confusion or unwanted side effects result. At least, I feel certain in this way of growing. When it goes along slowly, one can see more deeply, and feel more completely. And so the result is richer, because it contains the quality of a sensitive journey. Shall we meet?

I feel that a weekend would be better, not so rushed. Can we still be attentive to each other and the purpose at hand if we are in play mode? It could help us relax, or it could be distracting.

I think it would helpful if somehow the format was not at all recognizable. Then, people would automatically be more attentive. Let's be very subtle. We can create a space of discovery and creativity, but we'll have to be willing to welcome whatever it brings. I've been finding this to be a real challenge, because, even though we are guided by ideals, and hope and work for their realization, the truth in relative forms is not so perfect. Which is why we are working here. We can't jump, or fly there. We have to make sure that the growth is strong and true in each moment. And every detail is so important for strong growth. And something that is very meaningful to me is that the very challenges, or disappointments, or frustrations that always come, are lessons of preparation for the next level of growth. Meeting them face to face, and going right to their heart, until there is a merger, is required.

As for who to invite? I don't personally know too many people. (I've been in seclusion mostly.) I think you know lots of people? Who do you have in mind? You can take the lead in this department if you want.

to be continued.....

As my dear, dear friend Sherlock Holmes is always saying, "The game's afoot!"

It seems that this feeling is getting clearer, and it is becoming even more important to me than the form it takes. It's a kind of gentle ultimatum, revealing such a simplicity that there can be no confusion about it. Discomfort, pain, suffering, sadness, are realities, and try as we do, they don't go away. When I just face this, I am able to look at these feelings more openly, and that's when I begin to understand their lessons - empathy, compassion, patience - and their practice, the absence of judgment, comparison, and generalization.

But that is only half the story. What about the joy and happiness that we Love and want so much to possess? One turns into the other, and continues to turn into the other, endlessly. We can't escape from one and possess the other for all time. It doesn't happen. All that we can do is adjust our way of thinking about it, so that the thinking is a more accurate reflection of the way it really is. That is what I meant when I said on the Website, "The challenge for human beings is to create a consciousness that understands and allows it." That is, at least, how I come to terms with these things; it's the only way I can. I have to make positive, creative, and more accurate reflections, or I won't be going any farther. So I create in this way.

So, to arrive at the first Human Being Society meeting, I'm having to do even more creative work in my own consciousness. And the life in me and around me is teaching me very carefully. Tomorrow I am leaving for St. Louis, to see my Father who is very seriously ill. I feel that this is a big piece in the assembling of the Human Being Society puzzle. So, I'll be working on it, even though I will be away from home. Meanwhile, I'll put into the US Mail something I wrote to kind of prepare a space for the meeting.

I like the idea of a circle. That is really good. And I'm in the same realm with you as far as it being a kind of happening, too. But I want it also to be so obvious that it does not even have to be spoken, that this space is SPECIAL, DIFFERENT, and SACRED. This mostly depends on the energy that goes into making it happen. And that's why I am so insistent that every little detail be given its time to grow and be ready.

The feeling of the experience will be everything. That speaks deeper than words or explanation, and it can only be what it is. I can feel it growing and taking form already. But I can't do too much except be patient and let it take form. Anything else would disturb the energy, and in the end, would be self-defeating.

In the thing I'm mailing you, there's one single idea. And I think that's enough. Getting down to that simplicity has really helped me lately. And I'll tell you, the reverberations I have been feeling coming from that little tiny thing, all by itself, without lots of details and complications, are very powerful. And have begun to vibrate through parts of my life that hadn't moved for so long. And that's the kind of essence I've been looking for. So simple and obvious that excessive discussion isn't necessary, yet powerful enough to move mountains.

You may have thought I was slow before, but I feel so much slower now. Stopped even. Although things around me still seem to be moving. All I know is that I feel confident.

You, however, look like motion and birth and creation and energy and spring, in a VERY BIG way. Your dream is magnificent! And if anyone could make it happen, surely it is you. Not that I even know you very well, but I just feel you to be the center of a whirlwind. And so many are touched your breeze. I am interested in you and your work, and offer my gifts to the cause, without any hesitation.

The more time I spend with people, their teachers, and their solutions, the more I find myself alone. And I have been wondering about there being any answer that truly can be suggested to everyone - a generic, one size fits all solution.

Personally, I keep finding that even the most well meaning advice, even the highest ideal, becomes, to me, a hindrance. Even the greatest thought interferes with the receptiveness and flexibility needed to receive creation. I find this happens within myself and in relationship to others. And it is for this reason that I don't speak much.

I don't know if others feel this way? How do you feel?

Concerning enlightenment, I don't know what this word refers to. I haven't been around the people who use this word until recently, but it seems to me to be a great hindrance to growth. A mysterious goal, another carrot hanging in front of a hungry and lost soul, not so different than the Western idea of success, that serves to keep people in anxiety, longing and searching for something other than what is. At the same time it presents an illusion (I think) that there is some end, where all is known, and there is no more to be learned, and there is no more growing. In my own experience, growing has never ended.

It is so difficult to face and see what is. And accept it. But, to me, this is the process of growing. This is what teaches me. The state of Being is so vast, and the extremes in which it expresses itself will devastate anyone (I think) who does not expose themselves, little by little, slowly and persistently, over time, again and again, to it. And because it is so powerful, a practice of receptivity, in whatever form that is natural to each individual, seems to need recognition. Without the freedom to practice, we're all prisoners of rules, restrictions, generalizations, comparisons, and confusion. Even the very best formulas for living will make trouble for us when Life challenges us to be our real selves (in order to grow beyond ourselves).

I'm beginning to think that what The Human Being Society is really about is just to point out that this Life is practice. Why do we get mad when someone or some group or some nation does something we don't agree with? Because, there is a hidden belief that the rules we have made up for Life, and that we believe in so completely, are in fact the way Creation should behave. And when Creation pays no attention to these rules, we are outraged. And the outrage finds an outlet in making more rules, and making even more rigid attempts to control the Creation. It's killing Creation.

To teach us to take care of Life (in ourselves, others, and all Being) could be the purpose of The Human Being Society. It could be a place to speak of its preciousness, its fragility, its sacredness. A place where its growth is recognized and valued and supported. A place where we challenge ourselves to accept its differences and variety. Where we challenge ourselves to Love Life itself more than anything else.

I feel that your idea of an Internet communication is a good one. And I do hope that there will eventually be meetings too. How about if you and I do some real talking in person first?

I value your enthusiasm and willingness very much. And I also appreciate your lending a ear to my expression. Know that I value your expression too, and that I Love the fact that you give it so freely.

It is so wonderful to be able to speak freely with you, challenge conventional and accepted boundaries, and still be received. And even welcomed. This is quite a new phenomena to me. So, bear with me if I act a little stunned.

But I have an impression that it is not at all new to you, and that in fact, you communicate with so many unique voices that it probably seems commonplace. Is this true? I admire your skill in acknowledging conflicting and diverse opinion, without blame or criticism or any intention to hurt. Just factual observation. This is a great talent. And I can see so obviously how your ability to do this has served to link people together in an honest, straightforward and truthful way. This is a rare and very beautiful art. Powerful too. And you are using it very very well.

I don't intend to hurt anyone either, but sometimes feel myself responding to opinions in an emotional way. I do not have the experience or skill that I see in you, and at times I have to struggle with them. But emotions show me so glaringly the things I am passionate about, so their energy is very valuable. They just need close attention.

I looked at both the Websites you mentioned. Jim Dreaver's I had looked up before, when you sent me a list of some of your favorites. And I was impressed by the work of both of these men. And I felt inspired. And thankful. Eckhart Tolle is mesmerizing. I saw him at the Inner Directions meeting in La Jolla. Haven't read his book though. I can only absorb a limited amount in the form of lectures and books (my personal limitation). I get more out of doing, experiencing the creative process, seeing, just simple being and feeling. It connects me naturally in a deep way. I do Love words, I'm writing all the time, but I prefer a more poetic or metaphorical use. Factual instructions, intellectual explanations, or how-to stuff, is just hard for me. I need some magic, some mystery, some kind of artistry, to hold my heart. I guess that is just my natural way to communicate.

Thank you so much for existing.

I did not learn from a Spiritual teacher. As a little child, I learned about Creation, and the care of Creation, by drawing. It was, to me, spending time with truth, a way I could naturally be free and alive and of service. Creation taught me about itself and its own way. Art was our sacred space, and no one could come and interfere or destroy it, because they just didn't know we were being there. That relationship continues even now to be my true and sacred center of growth and learning.

A language developed out of my relationship with Creation. For most of my life, I felt no inclination to talk about it with anyone. And not until recently did I experience anything in the external world that felt even vaguely similar. That was Satsang. And it stimulated an authentic desire to communicate.

Much of what I have come to value through my relationship with Creation, is spoken of in Satsang. But there are differences too. One big difference is that in my world there is no reference to a goal at all. Practicing the art of Creation is my value. And this is what is also important to me in the forms of relationship and communication. I don't know where this growing will go or what it will look like. I only have an idea of how to care for it along the way. And this caring for it, is what my life is about.

How can there be "service" if there really is an ulterior motive? (a goal) How can creation really be "free" if its goal or result is preconceived and predetermined? (enlightenment)

These questions are very practical ones. Their answering teaches a slightly different attitude and way of relating to Creation. And their practice is subtle, and very alive. It opens a way for something NEW. And new growth needs to be welcomed if it is to survive. You know, growing is not naturally repetitious. Yes, there are cycles that give an appearance of similarity, but creation is forever progressing. So, any attempt to pin it down with generalizations, assumptions, or predictions, really is stifling to it.

Creation is just that. Creation. It's not the same thing over and over again. When it is free to be itself fully, it is healthy and alive and new. When it is not free, well, I guess we all know how it feels to be contained, and restricted, and refused.

I have a complete trust in Creation. There isn't anything I could do, or would do, or want to do, to improve it. It is the real magic. I Love to care for it. It always amazes me. It always surprises me. It always expands me. I don't want to limit it. I don't want to place any restriction on it. I feel the greatest respect for it. And to me, it is the Ultimate Love.

It is for these reasons that I take issue with concepts such as "enlightenment". I just don't want anything to restrict Creation. Now, after Jim Dreaver's expression, I do have a better feeling about the purpose of even having such a word. But still, it feels so dangerous to me. I do see and acknowledge that distinctions of this kind have their place and meaning. But please, let's be so very careful with them.

Thank you, Suzanne, for your expression, and thanks also for sharing Jim Dreaver with me. The way you combine people and thoughts is really amazing. And enlightening.

You know, I also have had thoughts of dialogue between different disciplines and ways. I tried for years by sending out the GAZETS and magazines, and still do. Really, I don't know what effect it has had. If any. But my desire (and my idealistic dream) is to link everyone, by speaking and relating in such a very fundamental way that differences and oppositions aren't even an issue. I don't always succeed in that, but I do keep trying. I really don't want to exclude anyone, whether they're retarded or enlightened, or even in Human form. To me, Love and Care are not to be restricted either. And they need to be as freely given and received as Creation itself.

Talking with you has brought out so many things in me that I have never had a place to say. So, I thank you again and again. You are truly a natural wonder. (But I'm not going to let anyone fence you off, or make you into an phenomena for sightseeing.) I think you're a lot like me, in that you're interested in these things, but not restricted by one form or another. You have your own center too, and your own special purpose in the great unfolding. You generously give it your Love, and energy, and attention, as freely as you can. And that is so beautiful. There is a freedom in that, that can't be bottled, or mass produced, or mass marketed. Because it is unique. It's authentic. I find that to be an unrestricted expression of Creation. I think I've discovered a rare diamond.

[The email Madam X sent next contained the most exquisite piece of writing. It is so beautiful, we created a separate Web page for it. Enjoy!]

This "Way of Being" was just poised inside me, ready and waiting for the right moment – an opportunity, an invitation, and a need. It's a perfect illustration of the interconnectedness of giving and receiving. Without someone to "receive" it, it could never have been "given." That's really the truth, Suzanne. And you are the catalyst. You are identifying the need. You are expressing the longing. When I hear you saying it, I feel moved to give.

Questions - Are these things I say applicable? Is it down to Earth enough? Is it understandable? Are specific examples too confining, or do they help illustrate the concept? What kind of feeling does it bring up?

You are so precious to me. Your responses and experience are an essence. A rare essence. Exactly the kind I need. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Suzanne, thank you so much. As I said, your reflections, comments – everything about you – is the perfect fit of an exquisite soulmate.

Yes. What do we do next?

I have a feeling that the "Way of Being" is the seed – the way to begin. And I also feel that there may be more to be said. To elaborate. I was talking with my Website designer today, and she said to me - "You don't show all of your deepest self in your little books. It's as if to the world you're a cartoonist, but in the closet you keep the secret timeless treasures."

And I immediately began to see the introductory part of the book, "BEING," of which Way of Being is just the practical part, concerning the application of the Way in Human Life. But the part that speaks of the most fundamental nature of Being (and is the basis for the Way), the part that extends throughout eternal time, the part that links it all together – remember Edna's loom?. That loom is the real place of beginning, at least it was for me. That is the part that makes the REASONS for spiritual teachings practical and understandable, so they're not just beautiful (but disconnected) thoughts.

BEING begins on bedrock. The bedrock that illuminates the most fundamental – that which includes of all form, all of time, and ALL – and yet has Being without any of it. This is what I will say next.

Absolutely amazing how we feed each other.

Suzanne, I read your Inside the Intelligence and I felt your passion! You're all ready, and formed, and grown, you've got a long track record of experience, and you're so greatly skilled in being human. Everything you long for, and LOVE, I Love too. BUT IT'S YOU. You're the one. You're the one who knows how to make it happen. You're already a human being.

I've spent my whole life in the spirit world. I'm only at the beginning of being human. If we wait until I grow up enough to be able to do what you ALREADY KNOW – well there isn't the time.

It all became clear when I read your Inside the Intelligence booklet. I have the knowledge of the spirit world to give, and you have the knowledge of the human form. And we both want to do this. So, let's join forces. As EQUAL PARTNERS. You are the artist in the world you excel in, and I am the artist in my world. It makes a perfect whole.

I'm ready now. If we each freely create in our own ways, together, for one cause, well, who knows? I can hardly believe I'm saying this, I've been solo so long. But I trust you. And I believe in you. I don't need to be the one who makes every decision; I see so clearly the limitations of inexperience in me. And the decisions about form – you are so much better equipped to make. And the questions that have been slowing me down have just disappeared with this thought.

Gurus, teachers, meetings, techniques, forms, etc., let's just FORGET it all. The Human Being Society is alive, we said that the other day. So, let's NOT put any other wall or fence or structure of ANY kind around it. Let's just let it be what GOD made it. Let's just be together, and see what we are? Let's just see and find out? Let's just let it be FREE. And alive.

Such BEAUTIFUL music to me too.

Aborigines, tribes, cultures, civilizations, Human Being Society, Eternal Culture, and beyond. Let's be available. I just bought the vacant lot next door to my house. And there will be, one day, a sacred space there for the Eternal Beings. I am going to build it.

But there needs to be a Human Being Society to welcome them.

So, let us explore in whatever way. The Aborigine thing sounds extremely mysterious and captivating. I once met an African Sheikh who was also a Sufi master, and, words are not capable of conveying the extremes in time that being with him brought into my awareness. It was also my first exposure to tribal energy. Very, very, very beautiful, relaxed, and easy.

Perhaps there will be some message for you in the Aborigines?

I did get in touch with Yukio/Ramana, but was not able to go to his Satsang. Here's what I wrote to him this morning:

I'm sorry I wasn't able to come to the Satsang. I'm becoming so sensitive to enclosed spaces, I've been having a very difficult time in Satsang. My Spirit says, "Let's move on, we've covered this ground. We know it so well. Let's explore what is unknown. Let's DO. Let's let what we've talked about carry us into its adventure of creation."

So, I feel myself moving away. Where am I going? I have no idea.

Do you feel this at all? I LOVE creation, but many times I hear people speak of it with fear or apprehension. It seems to be accompanied by great doubt. But not for me. It doesn't need to be proven either. It's just obvious.

What's beyond awakening? What's it growing into? Whatever will I discover next? With these thoughts, I feel the calm of having enough space to be.

???????????????????????
I've sent you a packet with drafts of invites to the Human Being Society. Let me know what you think.

I'm big on "progression" – so, as far as the voice goes, let it be a progression. I like what you said about the beginning being twelve years ago, and I LOVE using the first GAZET I sent you. The rest feels good too; it feels very much like it is spontaneously coming from you. And I think that's most important and powerful.

RE: "Maybe the Human Being Society will be born of what we are doing on the side while we are working out the main event." I have noticed this kind of thing happening, repeatedly, in my work. As if the straight and narrow path just isn't full enough. I find myself wandering all over the place, but all along, I know, I haven't lost my direction. I just seem to like to take the scenic route. It makes the journey so much richer, and, because I take the time to look closely as I've gone along, I don't feel a need to return. I can continue my adventure without the interference of regret or second guesses.

So, let it be full, and rich, and complete. Let's not let anything slip though our fingers. Did you know this? Life is like an Easter egg hunt. Somebody hid those beautifully decorated eggs, in the most unexpected places. So, you never know where one might be discovered. And finding one of those eggs is such a joy! Even more so because of the surprise. So, let's not leave any cranny unexamined. (Those crannies enjoy being discovered too!)

Suzanne, so many thoughts have been stimulated. All I say to myself is "Remember how I show you the way that does not go by thought."

The thought looks for a thoughtful solution to life's difficulties. In relationship to others I continually find this happening. In discussing a problem, we begin to think in a hypothetical realm. Generalizations are made. Comparisons, conclusions, value judgments, etc.

The truth for me is that creation begins in a place that greatly precedes all of these kinds of observations. The activity of focusing on the observations is what is confusing. That is what led me to start looking at the point of origin.

Creation does have its own way, before thought even occurs. And seeing this allows some distance from the grip of the endless maze of thought. But the way is not thought, even though thought is happening as one goes along. The point of origin for the emergence of creative energy can be "seen," "sensed," "known," and the path of this energy is its own free way, in complete disregard of the whole maze of thought altogether.

So, with thought, we cannot say it "should" look a certain way, even the most moral, altruistic, loving, beautiful, idealistic, etc. way. Just look for yourself. What do you see? There's everything, from the worst to the best and endless variety in between. To see Creation as it is, I think there's a lot of giving up to do. To see Life and ourselves, in truth, is a great, great reordering. And the biggest part of this reordering involves discovering the real foundation of it all.

The most fundamental reality I've seen is the ongoing creation. It's this process of creation that we see reflected in all the forms. It not only expands, it also contracts. We say, "There is birth and there is death." "There is pleasure and there is pain." "There is the good and there is the bad." Yes, it is that way. I know of no Human Being with the power to change this. But a Human Being can make peace with it and grow in the art of allowing this to be.

So, anyway, after much thought, I fall into, "Knowing just isn't wise." Wisdom is more a skill of not knowing. And the not knowing is the very space which allows Being.

Now, I feel better. But I wonder, how you are feeling? Many thoughts, and feelings, and realities came up last night at the talk. The problems aren't going away. But if we all have our crosses to bear, and we're not so caught up in thinking that it shouldn't be this way, then what? Remember that song from The Music Man – "A sadder but wiser girl's the girl for me, a sadder but wiser girl for me."

Maybe it's not the American Way. Give up the Grand Illusion? Accept that there is pain? Make peace with injustice? Call a truce in the Good Fight? Live, just live, without having all the answers so carefully and securely decided, once and for all? Understand change, variety, eternal life.

I don't know how to help others, except by being true to myself. So, these are the words of my true feeling. If they are heard, if they have any meaning at all, to any other, I have no way of knowing. But I have to say them anyway, because my Being just needs to.

So whatever, and however, and whenever. We'll see, and then we'll know. OK?

A little "story" for you:

There was a power struggle over some confusion concerning the learning about creation and the using of its power. She had to give up, she was in the wrong, or dreaming. I said to her, "I know what I'm doing with you, don't attempt to read my mind. You can't. You just wait for Me, and listen for Me, and see for Me - I'll do the creating, when it's time."

"Who are you?" she wonders. Why won't you tell me everything? "Because this is the way I AM and this is MY WAY."
Suzanne, YOU ARE an enabler of consciousness to awake to itself. AND there ARE those who struggle to achieve the awakened state too. There are others who try to help. And some who aren't even aware of anything.

"It's all just exactly the way I planned it. Each one has a unique purpose, fashioned precisely as a progressing form in time, and space, and relationship. It all adds up to the Human Being Society, with not even one little extraneous bit. When you are able to SEE this, then it will be. Madam X, you are a doorway for Me. That is your job. The rest I will take care of through other people. I will choose them. I will guide them. I will inspire them. Don't let yourself be confused. You know Me. You know you can depend on Me. Always be with Me. I have something very, very special in mind."
For creation, I have to go beyond thought. In my eyes, our ways complement each other. And create something that is way beyond them both. You are a kind of stimulus that BRINGS ABOUT thought and words and communication in me. The effects of this combining are as yet unknown.

Suzanne, you continue to amaze me, with your acceptance and welcoming and willingness and patience. You show the truth of yourself again and again in this way. I, me, only hear in your words the sounds of that other voice – the One you know too, and who speaks also to you. The One who reassures us both, in this creation.

You say: "no need to throw out knowing and thought, but it's what you know that is special re what you say. We are still making goods of what we know rather than sensing ourselves as pure creative vessels." You're so right here. The knowing, that "knowing" itself is just the memory of an original emergence of creative energy – this knowing is invaluable. In all this "teaching", this is sometimes lost, or confused. And then, through this maze and tangle of knowing, I must rejoin the origin, and let it speak in an even stronger and clearer voice.

My dilemma is this – will the speaking of THIS knowing be yet another ill-fitting and inapplicable knowing in the minds of others? Is it only specially made for me?

In answer to these questions, that voice says only, "I'll show you, as we go along."

Remember Bob Dylan, "fearing not I'd become my enemy, in the instant that I preached." Well, I guess I am expressing that fear in my questions. But I'll take it as a warning to myself to be so very careful. Honestly, this is haunting me, and has been haunting me, since my very first Satsang. I spend so much time with myself talking about it. Again and again I feel it, like a trap. And its thought is horror to me. Again and again I give it up to the wisdom of creation. As if this would exercise the wisdom, and make it ready and strong and clear enough to avoid that trap. The knowing we were talking about helps here.

And so, enough.

Thank you forever for being there. LOVE, Madam X

[At this point, Jim Dreaver enters the conversation. Jim and I also have been carrying on a developing conversation.]

To Jim and Suzanne,

Jim said:

...the "self" we've taken ourselves to be, this "self" that suffers and yearns, is an illusion, a story, a fiction of our own making.
Here is another context for reflection. What do you think?

The lifeline of existence, as a whole and as distinctions as parts, is an endless transformation, expressing itself in a progressing order of development. Relative to Human life, the illusory "self" you refer to, is really a very precious link in this developing and transforming lifeline. Haven't we all come down that path, and didn't it bring us to this presence? There is another very PRACTICAL reason why I am bringing the up. I have seen the side-effects of negation. And, while it does seem effective in clarifying vision, and in aiding short term transformation, I want to point out that it also is feeding the power of negation, and is producing another kind of duality. I don't think that is desirable. Any negative judgment, whether it be of "illusion" or "truth" or "whatever", is an energy which is sent out, and will make its circular way, and will return to haunt its source. Seeing this, I began to explore more effective ways, with BENEFICIAL side-effects. And I have experienced a powerful benefit in the giving of value, to each and every distinction and form, in this transforming lifeline of Being. The giving of value is like the giving of respect, in that it promotes growth. So, if one gives value to something which may not yet have developed into a satisfying ultimate, one is aiding its growth toward its development into something more satisfying. This is the most I know how to do. If you know of a better way to relate to the reality of transformation, I would be most interested.

Jim also says:

Again – once again! – I must say that when this is fully and totally seen, then we really are free, and creation happens naturally. Then all spiritual seeking is over. Then living becomes both a sacrament, and a celebration... After which, as Lex might say, there is nothing left for us but to bow down to it all in wonder, joy, and appreciation.

Why this is, I don't know? But to me, this portion of experience you refer to, was a BEGINNING. Spiritual seeking was not over for me, but became a new path of exploration and learning and development and depth, in reality that I was previously not even aware of. Because I see Being as an ENDLESS transformation, and I feel Human life potential to also be endless, I must say - don't close yourself. There is always more. But to experience it, you must open to it.

Jim also says:

This is well said. Madame X is very sensitive to the true nature of reality, but is, I think, a little more focused on creation, the manifest, rather than the source of creation – pure consciousness – itself.
Here I see a very fundamental difference in my perception of the structure of Being, and the perception of Being as expressed in Advaita. Pure consciousness - emptiness - I call it the timeless dimension, but I DO NOT see it as the SOURCE of creation. Because I did go into it and explore it in depth, and I found it to be another passage, leading to endless other worlds of dimension and times. Being takes this formless form in the cycle of its transformation, but it is only a link on the chain, not the end of the chain, or the source of the other links.

And this pure emptiness is NOT really different than form, except in superficial appearance. In essence, it is the same. Just like the zero is a number, even though what it refers to seems to be different. It's so important to remember that it is a number.

And so, I'm left with a question?????? What about the Source of this whole chain??????

For me, I see myself going a different way. But I'm not ruling out the possibility that this question might be answered along the way. My part seems to be, as you correctly saw, a creative one. But this creative focus includes valuing both form AND formless. To me, the interrelationship between these "numbers" is extremely potent. And since I see this Being transforming THROUGH them both, I choose not to impose a comparison on one or the other, as more or less important, or "real", or valuable. For reasons of clear perception, as well as for reasons of practical application.

The fundamental reality is that Being in transformation is healthy. And this brings about in me a desire to practice caring for it with progressing skill. And I find this unifying of form and formless, this working together, harmoniously, inclusively, respectfully, to be the healthiest that I know thus far.

Suzanne, Jim, I am finding our communication so precious and fertile. And I hope you do too. I am insatiably curious about others, and experience, and "knowing", and everything else. So, I look forward to your responses, and gifts of yourself.

Suzanne, I am feeling in a very similar way. We are God. And God is silent and empty, but ALSO so very expressive. The world and every part of it is the expression of God. And it's ongoing, continually growing. What I learned from participating in the expression (in my art) was the unity of both of these aspects.

But you know, at the same moment I'm expressing this moment's truth, I'm aware that what that truth refers to is growing. For that reason, I keep a kind of open, working hypothesis attitude that has been interpreted as ignorance. People in general seem to look for security in some kind of finality. But to me, even the emptiness that we hear is unchanging – IS CHANGING TOO – in it's unique way.

I realized in my art, and I'm seeing the same thing now relative to the spiritual community, that the group mind is focused on the past, because that is considered more dependable than what's happening right now. But, let's focus on the STRENGTH of our own feelings and thoughts, the form of God that we experience most directly and presently. For you, that strengthening is in listening and believing your own experience and expression. It's right there. Its existence is its obvious truth. You are a unique individual, so you're bound to have unique thoughts and feelings, and a path that is uniquely suited just for you. God expresses a variety, so if one doesn't make too many comparisons among the variations, and keeps in mind that the other is NOT the same as oneself, and doesn't need to BECOME the same as oneself, there's more possibility for play and free interaction and growth.

I am filled with joy and excitement at your courage, your expression of your truth, and your willingness to go against the current. And I encourage your growth, your expression, and your spirit of adventure. It seems very obvious to me that your unique path will teach you everything, as you explore it, and continue on it, no matter what ANYONE may say.

For me, the challenge is similar. But I have a gaping wound, that flares up every so often, and forces me to withdraw and reorder. And right now, it is a big challenge for me. But it's not new, and I'm always experimenting with it. And there's always the possibility that it will heal.

Suzanne, I'll be the first the read the proclamations you nail to the church door. More power to you.